I’ve realised that it’s not the exercise part of my weekly dance fit class that I find tricky: it’s the socialising bit. As an introvert, those chatty moments between dances can be quite a challenge.
But however reluctant I am to go to class, I always return home buzzing - endorphins from all the bopping or pride at behaving like a normal person, I’m not sure, but I do know that those classes do me a lot of good.
Today we had the disco lights on: for me! The Bacardi may be a hard-pass, but I did enjoy partying like it’s your birthday.
*
Of all the seeds that I’m growing, my favourites are the green beans. I can totally see why they grow these with kids in biology lessons.
There’s nothing for ages, then all of a sudden the compost shatters dramatically and boom! Seedlings the width of industrial-strength elastic bands unfurl backwards, as if they’re uncurling from a full body stretch where your head rolls up last.
I’m here, they announce: I may need to shove the soil away with my shoulders, but don’t you doubt it - I’m growing.
*
It took us four years to sell our thatched cottage. I naively thought it would sell the day the board went up.
Four years of regularly peeling Disney posters from wattle and daub walls. Four years of eliminating plastic toys from the claw-footed bath. Four years of wheeling my rusty bike out of the handcrafted shaker kitchen.
Four years of putting Princesses back up again, restoring Nemo to his rightful spot in the bathroom and leaning my daughter’s pre-school taxi back against the ancient beams: the process nearly broke me.
When we did eventually sell, I don’t remember celebrating; we were too exhausted and just wanted to move on.
*
I sometimes look around my dance class and wonder what the other ladies were like at school. Because we grown-up gals are really just lasses trying to make it through hockey at the end of the day, aren’t we?
They’re a really friendly bunch, but it could be that some of the class were Queen Bee types back in the day. Perhaps some of them were even bullied.
I was that girl somewhere in between, trying to get through school life by keeping her head down: please don’t notice my crappy no-brand trainers.
*
One of my hobbies is looking at Rightmove. Alongside being nosy, there’s a treasure hunt aspect to it that I find enjoyable. Is this house nicer than ours? Would I like to swap lives with that person?
I also chain-watch property TV.
I like the faux-sympathetic way the presenters probe the participants to get good telly: “How much did you plan to spend on this? That figure’s doubled, hasn’t it? And do you consider the devastation of your entire sense of well-being a price worth paying?”
One thing the ordeal of selling our thatched cottage has taught me: a house is only as lovely as the life lived in it. You can have the most picture-perfect property ever and still find life an uphill struggle.
*
As I walked home from class today, the wind shook blossom around my shoulders like heavenly disco lights. I noticed my scruffy trainer-clad feet as they walked along the pink-dotted pavement: still just a little girl in unbranded trainers, trying her best to face life head-on.
I was reminded of the song my mum would sing for me on my birthday:
“On the day that you were born, the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.”
Mum, I’d complain: that’s beyond embarrassing, please stop.
I’d give anything to be embarrassed by her now.
*
While some of us shoot towards each day with our leaves outstretched like charismatic arms, some of us struggle to lift heavy heads. We push into life backwards, using our shoulders to shift heavy mental soil.
We may feel like we’re limping from one battle to the next, but we’re doing it: we’re resolutely facing our days.
We’ve survived the years of hockey lessons, the grief of loved ones passing and the ordeals of lengthy house sales - and we’re still surviving our everyday challenges now.
I’m here, we announce: I may need to shove the soil away with my shoulders, but don’t you doubt it - I’m growing.
i love hearing stories of how introverts put themselves out there, step away from their comfort zone, and have a ball with new experiences. thanks for this nudge to do the same, Suse.